I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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