wrigley field is MILF paradise
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
