I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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