I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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