The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
