She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
