it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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