We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
