i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
