Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
