After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
