So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
