found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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