He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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