Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I will pee on everything he values.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
