so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
