Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
