How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
