you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
