A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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