sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
