Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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