Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
