I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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