Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
