You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
