i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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