we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Boobs are out for the taking
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
