you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
