dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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