brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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