You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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