she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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