decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
