The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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