Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just invented taco cereal.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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