dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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