Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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