i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
