I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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