Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Randomize
