dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
