Tell her she can't have a vagina
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
