this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
