...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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