Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
tell me about the fingering
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