I love black thongs
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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