I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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