Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
