Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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