Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
