I puked a lego.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Randomize
