if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize