Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
