NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
