I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
