Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize