i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just gift wrapped bread.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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