apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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