i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
