So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
