I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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