My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
