after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
