if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
